Once again

Only you can save me from falling, I can't lift myself up. I can't see you, I can't hear you, but underneath it all I know I'm not talking to the wall.

Don't disappoint me, be real. Let the little hope that is left be on you. Pull my heart out and keep it, doubt can't win.

I'm so tired. Sleep seems to take over, even when I just woke up. I don't want to talk, I don't want to smile, I don't want to be seen.

When I'm alone I want you, elsewhere I ignore you.

I trust you, live in me, give me your strength.

Dear God

It's hard to believe you are here when I can never see you or hear you. Sometimes I feel like you may be a lie. I love talking about you, hearing about you, but it seems like the picture is complete except you, I can't know you sometimes. I know I wouldn't be talking to you if i didn't think you were real, and my faith in you is no less because of all this.

The truth is that my yearning for you is so strong sometimes that I simply wish I could die right away to be close to you. I wish I could reach out to you and really touch you, just a little bit... I think that would make me much a better person.

I gave you, and continue giving you my entire life, because I know you know what to do with it better than I could ever know.

But I feel like I fail you, even when you say you love me in spite of all my mistakes. I feel I'm not worthy even if you say I am. I walk blindly towards you, but it's cold and dark, and I want to fall down and stop.

I worship you, it's my only true delight. I would shout my love to you. I yearn you so much.

Let me lie at your feet and rest. Let me cry on and on, let me fold my body so I can be so small, like a baby in your hand.

My breast wants to breathe deeply and sink into your peace, erase my mind, fill it with your colors.

I want to dance with creation, around you, for you.

Daily, every moment, I grab on to something. Your hand is what I need, to lift me.

Why do I cry when I think of you? Why do I want to hide my face?

I can almost reach you and suddenly I lose you, I fear you and run from you. I'm broken down.

Father, father, father... Call me your child.

There is a dark hole in my chest, I sink down into myself, I don't want to scream for help, not even to get pulled out. I want to cry, I want to hide.

People can't heal me. I can't heal myself, my hope is almost gone. But I remember You. You have the power, oven over the dark hole in my chest.

I'm weak in myself, I'm sad, I'm lonely. Not for people, not for conversations. I'm lonely in my dark hole. Blow your warm breath on my face.

I plead for your presence, in my life, in the world. I yearn for life and eagerness, for peace and change.

I don't want to move. Or talk. Or think. Only sorrows come to my mind. I feel so ungrateful of all you've given me.

I want to be away, someplace where nobody knows me, I want to be lost. I want to find you all over again.



Whenever I'm low and sinking down
When I'm overwhelmed and doubts abound
When I've lost all heart and the will to fight
When despair sets in and my day is night

Lift up my head, make steel my gaze
Cast out my fear, move me to faith
Surrendered in praise
To Your glorious grace, Jesus

Whenever I'm tired and I feel alone
When oppression mounts and trials come
When the father of lies, his arrows fly
When there are no answers
And my dreams, they die

In my heart of hearts where these battles rage
My strength it fails and my courage fades
In my distress I cry aloud to You

You lift my head, and You steel my gaze
You cast out fear, and I'm moved to faith
Surrendered in praise
To Your glorious grace, Jesus