God I know you don't leave me, but that doesn't mean its not hard! I'm kinda lonely... To not say quite a bit lonely. If that's what you want, I'll go on and wait for better days to come.
Each day I feel a step closer to where you want to bring me. I don't even know where or how, but all these doors have kept appearing and you have decided if they are open or closed.
Take me close to you, and don't let me despair. I want to do your will.
Hear my prayers, even when they are whispers!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
...
GODDDDDDDDDDDD! I can't! How about?????
It's too hard God! You drain me out...
I want to follow you God, but I suddenly feel like you're gone.
Don't break my heart.
It's too hard God! You drain me out...
I want to follow you God, but I suddenly feel like you're gone.
Don't break my heart.
Friday, December 18, 2009
I will worship you
My God, my ONLY thing. You are teaching me that you know me. You are telling me that you can change my life as soon as I thought I owned it.
My God... It is so hard!!! God I cry and I ask you why. God you know and I know that you know.
Thank you for opening doors and for closing others.
God I don't know what you want, but I know that I have asked you to come, and take me where you will. I worship you my God. I want to please you. Guide me and tell me God, what it is you ask.
You speak to me so silently sometimes. Please heal me.
Put words in my mouth to speak to others, blow your love through me.
Matthew 25:14-30
14"Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. 15To one he gave five talents[a] of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. 17So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. 18But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
19"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
21"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
22"The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'
23"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
24"Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'
26"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
28" 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. 29For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 30And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'
HELP ME GOD to do your will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My God... It is so hard!!! God I cry and I ask you why. God you know and I know that you know.
Thank you for opening doors and for closing others.
God I don't know what you want, but I know that I have asked you to come, and take me where you will. I worship you my God. I want to please you. Guide me and tell me God, what it is you ask.
You speak to me so silently sometimes. Please heal me.
Put words in my mouth to speak to others, blow your love through me.
Matthew 25:14-30
14"Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. 15To one he gave five talents[a] of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. 17So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. 18But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
19"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
21"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
22"The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'
23"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
24"Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'
26"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
28" 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. 29For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 30And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'
HELP ME GOD to do your will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Changes
I don't even know how it happened. Suddenly a rush of change invaded me. It's strange that such a rush would come when I am at the best I have ever been. Everything I ever wanted has come true.
I thought I would never be able to know God and have a relationship with him as I have now. I thought I would never meet a person I could fall in love with and want to share my life with forever. I thought I would never do what I liked to to, or be good at it. The list could go on, but the point is that when I am at this point, I suddenly feel like God is giving me something more.
The feeling is strange. I am happy and I want it, but at the same time I am sad and I don't want it. I am afraid, but I am exited. I feel tied up but free.
I wish it would go away. I wish I could go on as I have been and be happy. But a feel like I can't.
I feel like I have to take a step away from where I have been stepping. I keep thinking that it is a big deal and a second after I think that it's no biggy.
It's strange to feel something different to what I have always felt. I don't really know how to face it. As soon as I start thinking about it I feel like it will never be, that I would not be able to do it. But then I realize that I am free and I can take these chances, and that nobody will stop me. Nobody will care if I fail or if I succeed.
It is time for me to respond to God. I don't know exactly how, or when or where. All I want is to change and see new things. I am scared of losing things and people I will never have close to me again.
But I have one thing clear. If God is calling me to this, I know he wants the best for me, and the best is my happiness. So I will trust and follow.
So God guide me. Take me and make me as you plan. I will follow and I will take the blows.
I thought I would never be able to know God and have a relationship with him as I have now. I thought I would never meet a person I could fall in love with and want to share my life with forever. I thought I would never do what I liked to to, or be good at it. The list could go on, but the point is that when I am at this point, I suddenly feel like God is giving me something more.
The feeling is strange. I am happy and I want it, but at the same time I am sad and I don't want it. I am afraid, but I am exited. I feel tied up but free.
I wish it would go away. I wish I could go on as I have been and be happy. But a feel like I can't.
I feel like I have to take a step away from where I have been stepping. I keep thinking that it is a big deal and a second after I think that it's no biggy.
It's strange to feel something different to what I have always felt. I don't really know how to face it. As soon as I start thinking about it I feel like it will never be, that I would not be able to do it. But then I realize that I am free and I can take these chances, and that nobody will stop me. Nobody will care if I fail or if I succeed.
It is time for me to respond to God. I don't know exactly how, or when or where. All I want is to change and see new things. I am scared of losing things and people I will never have close to me again.
But I have one thing clear. If God is calling me to this, I know he wants the best for me, and the best is my happiness. So I will trust and follow.
So God guide me. Take me and make me as you plan. I will follow and I will take the blows.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Faith
I urge to pray and believe... If I could be sure all the time! If I could pray with true faith all the time!
God I must confess that I pray sometimes while I feel so doubtful that you are hearing me... Do you really hear me? Do you really fulfill your promises?
You are so great, how then will you take your time to hear my simple requests?
God I must confess that I pray sometimes while I feel so doubtful that you are hearing me... Do you really hear me? Do you really fulfill your promises?
You are so great, how then will you take your time to hear my simple requests?
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Change.
Stop seeing change as an impossible.
Start seeing change as something natural.
Start seeing change as a challenge.
Stop seeing change as an issue.
Stop seeing change as a big deal.
Start seeing change as an aspiration.
Start seeing change as something natural.
Start seeing change as a challenge.
Stop seeing change as an issue.
Stop seeing change as a big deal.
Start seeing change as an aspiration.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Once again
Only you can save me from falling, I can't lift myself up. I can't see you, I can't hear you, but underneath it all I know I'm not talking to the wall.
Don't disappoint me, be real. Let the little hope that is left be on you. Pull my heart out and keep it, doubt can't win.
I'm so tired. Sleep seems to take over, even when I just woke up. I don't want to talk, I don't want to smile, I don't want to be seen.
When I'm alone I want you, elsewhere I ignore you.
I trust you, live in me, give me your strength.
Don't disappoint me, be real. Let the little hope that is left be on you. Pull my heart out and keep it, doubt can't win.
I'm so tired. Sleep seems to take over, even when I just woke up. I don't want to talk, I don't want to smile, I don't want to be seen.
When I'm alone I want you, elsewhere I ignore you.
I trust you, live in me, give me your strength.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Dear God
It's hard to believe you are here when I can never see you or hear you. Sometimes I feel like you may be a lie. I love talking about you, hearing about you, but it seems like the picture is complete except you, I can't know you sometimes. I know I wouldn't be talking to you if i didn't think you were real, and my faith in you is no less because of all this.
The truth is that my yearning for you is so strong sometimes that I simply wish I could die right away to be close to you. I wish I could reach out to you and really touch you, just a little bit... I think that would make me much a better person.
I gave you, and continue giving you my entire life, because I know you know what to do with it better than I could ever know.
But I feel like I fail you, even when you say you love me in spite of all my mistakes. I feel I'm not worthy even if you say I am. I walk blindly towards you, but it's cold and dark, and I want to fall down and stop.
I worship you, it's my only true delight. I would shout my love to you. I yearn you so much.
Let me lie at your feet and rest. Let me cry on and on, let me fold my body so I can be so small, like a baby in your hand.
My breast wants to breathe deeply and sink into your peace, erase my mind, fill it with your colors.
I want to dance with creation, around you, for you.
Daily, every moment, I grab on to something. Your hand is what I need, to lift me.
Why do I cry when I think of you? Why do I want to hide my face?
I can almost reach you and suddenly I lose you, I fear you and run from you. I'm broken down.
Father, father, father... Call me your child.
There is a dark hole in my chest, I sink down into myself, I don't want to scream for help, not even to get pulled out. I want to cry, I want to hide.
People can't heal me. I can't heal myself, my hope is almost gone. But I remember You. You have the power, oven over the dark hole in my chest.
I'm weak in myself, I'm sad, I'm lonely. Not for people, not for conversations. I'm lonely in my dark hole. Blow your warm breath on my face.
I plead for your presence, in my life, in the world. I yearn for life and eagerness, for peace and change.
I don't want to move. Or talk. Or think. Only sorrows come to my mind. I feel so ungrateful of all you've given me.
I want to be away, someplace where nobody knows me, I want to be lost. I want to find you all over again.
Whenever I'm low and sinking down
When I'm overwhelmed and doubts abound
When I've lost all heart and the will to fight
When despair sets in and my day is night
Lift up my head, make steel my gaze
Cast out my fear, move me to faith
Surrendered in praise
To Your glorious grace, Jesus
Whenever I'm tired and I feel alone
When oppression mounts and trials come
When the father of lies, his arrows fly
When there are no answers
And my dreams, they die
In my heart of hearts where these battles rage
My strength it fails and my courage fades
In my distress I cry aloud to You
You lift my head, and You steel my gaze
You cast out fear, and I'm moved to faith
Surrendered in praise
To Your glorious grace, Jesus
The truth is that my yearning for you is so strong sometimes that I simply wish I could die right away to be close to you. I wish I could reach out to you and really touch you, just a little bit... I think that would make me much a better person.
I gave you, and continue giving you my entire life, because I know you know what to do with it better than I could ever know.
But I feel like I fail you, even when you say you love me in spite of all my mistakes. I feel I'm not worthy even if you say I am. I walk blindly towards you, but it's cold and dark, and I want to fall down and stop.
I worship you, it's my only true delight. I would shout my love to you. I yearn you so much.
Let me lie at your feet and rest. Let me cry on and on, let me fold my body so I can be so small, like a baby in your hand.
My breast wants to breathe deeply and sink into your peace, erase my mind, fill it with your colors.
I want to dance with creation, around you, for you.
Daily, every moment, I grab on to something. Your hand is what I need, to lift me.
Why do I cry when I think of you? Why do I want to hide my face?
I can almost reach you and suddenly I lose you, I fear you and run from you. I'm broken down.
Father, father, father... Call me your child.
There is a dark hole in my chest, I sink down into myself, I don't want to scream for help, not even to get pulled out. I want to cry, I want to hide.
People can't heal me. I can't heal myself, my hope is almost gone. But I remember You. You have the power, oven over the dark hole in my chest.
I'm weak in myself, I'm sad, I'm lonely. Not for people, not for conversations. I'm lonely in my dark hole. Blow your warm breath on my face.
I plead for your presence, in my life, in the world. I yearn for life and eagerness, for peace and change.
I don't want to move. Or talk. Or think. Only sorrows come to my mind. I feel so ungrateful of all you've given me.
I want to be away, someplace where nobody knows me, I want to be lost. I want to find you all over again.
Whenever I'm low and sinking down
When I'm overwhelmed and doubts abound
When I've lost all heart and the will to fight
When despair sets in and my day is night
Lift up my head, make steel my gaze
Cast out my fear, move me to faith
Surrendered in praise
To Your glorious grace, Jesus
Whenever I'm tired and I feel alone
When oppression mounts and trials come
When the father of lies, his arrows fly
When there are no answers
And my dreams, they die
In my heart of hearts where these battles rage
My strength it fails and my courage fades
In my distress I cry aloud to You
You lift my head, and You steel my gaze
You cast out fear, and I'm moved to faith
Surrendered in praise
To Your glorious grace, Jesus
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