Changes

I don't even know how it happened. Suddenly a rush of change invaded me. It's strange that such a rush would come when I am at the best I have ever been. Everything I ever wanted has come true.

I thought I would never be able to know God and have a relationship with him as I have now. I thought I would never meet a person I could fall in love with and want to share my life with forever. I thought I would never do what I liked to to, or be good at it. The list could go on, but the point is that when I am at this point, I suddenly feel like God is giving me something more.

The feeling is strange. I am happy and I want it, but at the same time I am sad and I don't want it. I am afraid, but I am exited. I feel tied up but free.

I wish it would go away. I wish I could go on as I have been and be happy. But a feel like I can't.

I feel like I have to take a step away from where I have been stepping. I keep thinking that it is a big deal and a second after I think that it's no biggy.

It's strange to feel something different to what I have always felt. I don't really know how to face it. As soon as I start thinking about it I feel like it will never be, that I would not be able to do it. But then I realize that I am free and I can take these chances, and that nobody will stop me. Nobody will care if I fail or if I succeed.

It is time for me to respond to God. I don't know exactly how, or when or where. All I want is to change and see new things. I am scared of losing things and people I will never have close to me again.

But I have one thing clear. If God is calling me to this, I know he wants the best for me, and the best is my happiness. So I will trust and follow.

So God guide me. Take me and make me as you plan. I will follow and I will take the blows.