Sometimes we live day by day, concentrating on the things that happen spontaneously, and we forget about the things, very very small things too, that go accumulating in us. Some people have a power over this part of us that keeps little peaces of our memory, and some of these people never tire of trying to make us remember them.I have dared many times in the past trying to imagine what my life would be like without these people. I imagine a life without dark days, I imagine friendships and relations so pure and happy that they make me shiver. Then I come back to the hard old ground. I fall back into the routine, my life bound around people that tie me down and don't let me enjoy the human freedom I am stubborn enough to call my own. I do not complain, I just accept my life and close my eyes to dream, not wishing to dream awake. These people frequently bind me with ropes so strong... chains called emotions, feelings like love, loyalty, admiration... disbelief.
The power they have over us sometimes cover our soul, we let our feelings, and even pity, take charge of our lives. But then we lie in bed, or watch out of a window as we ride in a bus, we think and think, we have an inner war because feeling anger or resentment would be deceiving this person we admire. We fight the war of selfishness, we defend the good side by thinking we are not alone. But this is not my sister and me against this person, it is not this mother and this person, or his past, his genes, no! It's all in what I want for me and this person.
Is a you- me thing.
I am loyal to this person, I sometimes ask for a little loyalty myself. I love this person, so I give all I have: does this person love me so much that they give me all they have? I am patient, do a receive a peaceful treatment? All these things sometimes make us feel down... Cause thinking about these things make us not want to feel self pity, but to be strong and fight for what is correct.
The weight of these situations affect the way I act with the people that are closest to me. Complaining is weak, but we cry for change. CHANGE! the impossible dream... change is for others, because it depends on them. My life is tied to the changes others are responsible for, because they are responsible of my future possibilities for change.
WAIT wait wait wait... for what? That is the typical down comment. Why wait for an everlasting problem to get solved? We wish to distract ourselves, but on occasions the only reason we do this is because the monotony is so grinding.
Love... comes with fear... fear to disappoint, fear of hurting myself and even more the person that is loved. Sometimes we quiet, sometimes we throw shit in the fan... Love learns to know when to speak, and speaking is marvelous once said and done. Equal love understands the depth of words, and never should words hurt a loved one, because as laws of love explain, it is all done for the better being of both.
Love does not mean that we are able to read one another like an open book, but the ability to understand, help and correct. No one has full access to our resentments, only us. A look that took place in a split second can hurt us, and to erase that deep damage, words are amazingly handy!!! We get hurt, but to love is not wishing to hurt back, but forgiving. So in the end, words should be like a great eraser, not a corrector!
Talk! but remember the intention! Fear not hard words, but forgive! Dream, in dark or shine! And never never loose HOPE.
