Normal

I seem to always leave what I am writing half way done and never finish up... But anyway, the things I have not written I suppose will always be hidden in some part of my memory, or they will be told to some person along the way, although I doubt they have any mayor importace for people I tell them to.
I sometimes would like to know why people "act" like they are interested in what you tell them, I have the theory that people listen just to see how much the person has problems similar enough to their own problems.
Who is interested more in others than in themselves? I think NOBODY... Do friends really exist? Is it not really an ego thing? Is there really real love? I dont think so... but then, that is losing hope! That that I imagine and wish for, if that really didn't exist what would be ther reason to keep looking?
Sometimes the real thing seems to appear, but then it gets smudged by some dark fingerprint... REAL people, or SICK people? What is REAL or NORMAL? It's kind of easy being normal, just be what others want you to be... Who defines normal? The crowd... What if the crowd is wrong? No. It will never be unless it gets proven, but before you are able to prove it you will be categorized as UNnormal. In conclusion: normal us what the crowd defines as normal, not what normal really is.................
I had just decided some minutes ago to write what came through my mind at the moment, and that's what came out. I really didn't start writing this to talk about normalities or anormalities, but that is what seemed to be on my mind.
My head is such a mess, like as if I needed a cabinet to organize it... I think so many things without end, sometimes my free mind needs some conclusions, that means effort, something I usually avoid if I can.
I love leaving my mind alone, let it loose!! That for me is the most fullfilling activity... I wonder if that is bad... I think that I think just for the fun of it, but never getting anywhere, never deciding on one point what it is that I like, want or am. It's like spaguetti.
Thinking of giving that up hurts, but at the same time I think it would develop my brain better, I need to exercise it more, maybe I could even get to liking the idea of coming up to some conclusions to all that thinking.
Sharing it wouldn't be a bad idea. Why think so much for myself? Really, what a waste, for me it isn't because I enjoy it, but really I'd enjoy it more knowing what I think! Sounds weird, but it's true, I need to know what I think and what I know and what I feel, cause although I know lots of things go through my mind I let them go, I'll try to keep them up and organize my thoughts and feelings.