To act

My emotions are like in a blur, I don’t know what I am feeling, and I am sad; I think I am lonely, lonely for friends and for the presence of God. Since a short time ago I started feeling more strongly the absence of God in my life and I have wished it to be otherwise… I have felt the difference in body and soul and lately have achieved things in my life I could not have done alone.

I mistrust God, I can see how many times I have denied him because of my self love and my pride, I have to fight against that false me, and learn how to be a child. I wish to be taught once again about innocence, humility and love, just like a child.

But what is the use of words if they are bottomless and don’t lead to action??????????

First—I am lazy. I need promptness to do my daily labors. I will not think of the job itself but of the sacrifice I am doing, because even if they are little everyday things, they are better than nothing.

Second—I think more about myself than about the people around me… I have to take away focus from myself, the least I think about me the better. If people forget about me, I will try to not feel bad as I do, I will try to make people need me for the help they can get from me, not of my own convenience.

Third—Order. If I have order in my surroundings, in my schedule and in my thoughts.

Fourth—be happy about all the good things, even if they are minuscule. I can’t let myself feel depressed or unhappy.